Sorry, Harvard

By Page Tennessee G.

I entered a time machine knowing it would work once, but I had to go back and fix this one mistake. The minute I stepped out of the time machine, which was shaped in a similar fashion to the telephone box in Dr. Who, I stepped out to look at Cambridge's surroundings, specifically in this new 1884 environment. I went right to Harvard University. Once I arrived at Harvard, I went straight to John Harvard’s statue of four lies. I then went to the administration of the school at that time and asked why the motto was “Veritas” which is Latin for truth, which is good, but just like Harvard sees applicants, not good enough. My belief is that Harvard’s motto should have been “Laborare, Expecto Rejectionis” which is Latin for “work hard, expect rejection.” The administration immediately accused me of being a witch, which is odd because I’m not a witch, but they tied me up and took me to a large hill where everyone in the town surrounded us. The administration of Harvard lit torches and exclaimed, “He knows secrets even our top scholars know not of! Thou shalt be burned alive!” At this point I began to panic. I looked around to see if I could escape. No chance I’m getting through this. The administration lit me on fire, which was unpleasant. I woke up and looked around to see if I was still on fire. I was not. I looked at my clock, and started to panic again, I’m late for class! I exited the apartment and headed off to my first class of the day at Yale.

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